Pain Of A Thousand Dreams…

There’s this girl, Anamika, in our batch. Not much beautiful, yet cute enough to deserve a second glance. At the first glance, one would take her to be a silent and introvert kind of person. But those who have the opportunity to get to know her, to spend some moments with the ‘real’ her, and not just some goody-two-shoes act she was putting up, knew better. I was one of those elite few.

I used to consider myself to be a lone wolf, a demon that fed off on those who dared to venture around him, trying to communicate with his heart. But when I was with her, I found the ice around my heart melting away. I had never been much of a ladies’ man. I preferred to stay alone rather than to stand and talk with those of the opposite sex. It was not because I had anything against them. Quite the opposite in fact. I feel shy around them, shy enough to find my lips sealed. But when I was in front of her, I could put any wannabe Casanova to shame. Somehow, I felt alive, when she was beside me,with a smile that could make even the most beautiful nymphs go green with envy. The way she talked with those few, with a naughty grin on her face, it just made me go crazy. Yes, I was in love with her.

Then one day, during the break hour, I found her sitting by herself in the SAC (Student Activity Center) area, with a dejected expression, on the cute face, where I forever wanted to see the naughty, yet innocent grin.

“What’s the matter? Why the glum look??”, I inquired.

“Nothing, re”,she tried to manage up a smile, but failed..

“Secrets from me? Are you aware of the fact that I have consumed all original Sherlock Holmes‘ novels and short stories, hence you can’t fool me, at least not with such a pathetic lie”, I acted angry.

“OK, OK cool down!!,” she managed a weak smile. “Do you know Jitesh, from Instrumentation Department??”

“Isn’t he the dwarf fellow with a feminine voice?? Have heard of him, yeah”.

She slapped me hard on my arms. “I happen to have a crush on him!” she exclaimed.

I felt my world crumble down, burying my heart beneath the rubles of the castle, I had planned on gifting her. The smile that curved my lips, I felt ebbing away.

“Spoken with him yet?”.

“Guess”, she said with a naughty smile.

“You haven’t, then”.

The smile she had, turned into a frown.

“Do you want to?”, I asked.


“Then give me a few days. Let me make a few arrangements regarding the dwarf”. It earned me another playful, but tight slap.

“You are the best”, she exclaimed, now a truly warm smile engulfing her face.

I smiled, if only to disguise the pain that kept stinging my now defenseless heart.’ Listen, I am gonna bunk the next class. So make sure to note down all that is taught.”

“You know I will”, she smiled, and then she walked off to class..

I spent some time alone, in the crowd that served to stop me from breaking down into tears. I tried to console the heart, that rebelled against me for helping my crush get to meet her crush. I had kept on hoping that one day she would realize my love for her, and respect it, if not reciprocate it. But those hopes, left my side. The alluring smile, I thought my baseless jokes were the origin of, I now realized belonged to someone else. And I had promised myself long back, that I would protect it, even if the cost would be my own smile. It was a promise, I meant to keep.

With that single thought, I prepared the table for Jitesh’s induction into my crush’s life.  The next few days I started building up friendship with Jitesh. He had been lying dormant in my Facebook account for sometime. It was time to put the social network to use. I started chatting with him on FB, slowly earning my way towards creating the perfect setting to start face-to face conversation with him. An occasional “Hello” or “Hi” when I saw him in college helped the purpose. Gradually I started chatting with him. First, our conversation lasted for less than a minute. Then with a bit of perseverance and self-control on my part, our conversations extended to over 15 minutes, all within a span of 5 days.

On the 7th day, 7 being a number I heavily rely one, I said to Anamika, “I will only just begin the conversation between you two, but how long you can continue it, depends on you.”

“How did you manage it, and that too so fast?”

“Girl, I got my charms, and an FB account too”, I winked, a wink that served dual purpose. “You just come with me to the SAC, and let me handle the rest.”

“Yaayy!!! I will treat you a chloro-mint if it works out according to your plan.”

“Be ready to shell out, lady, ‘cos am damn sure this plan will work”, I replied confidently..

Just after the class preceding the break hour got over, we left for the SAC and waited for the man of the hour to to make his appearance. We had to wait for around 5 minutes before he arrived.

“Hi Jitesh”.

“Hey Krish, How you doing?”

“Dude, am a Computer Science engineer-to-be. There’s no way that I would be fine”, I grinned. “By the way, this is Anamika”, I mentioned towards her.

“Hey Anamika”, he extended his hand towards her expecting a handshake.

“Hello!”, she shook his hand, mouthing the words thank you to me.

I just smiled. The three of us conversed for a while. Then suddenly, I shot a furtive glance at my wrist watch.

“It’s 10:55 already!!! I need to meet a couple of juniors by 11. My gaming life depends on it”, I exclaimed, and literally ran away from there, trying to hide my eyes that were moistened by tears that originated form the bleeding heart of mine, that loved, and yet lost..

Thirty minutes later, she messaged a ‘Thank You  😀 for helping me spend a wonderful time. Will treat you to a Diary Milk next time we meet’.

I smiled.



So, you feel that life’s fair enough?? Love is never lost?? Love or friendship, what’s important?? What do you guys feel about it?? Would love to hear from you.. 😀


3 thoughts on “Pain Of A Thousand Dreams…

  1. Well,the story is amazing.I wonder why I can’t write that way! To answer your questions at the end,man, I don’t know! I can just answer one- that love is not more important than friendship! Friendship is something truly special,even though taken for granted most of the time. What I miss the most is the friendship,not the imagined love. About love being never lost or if life’s fair enough…man,wish everyone could stay the same.


    • Thanks for the feedback, Neha..
      You shared your thoughts, let me share mine…
      For me, a boyfriend/girlfriend would be, as the name suggests, a friend. Quite close to the heart. Someone with whom I could share my feelings with. Like the way I am currently doing with my best friend.. 😉

      And there is love in friendship, and friendship in love, cos both are based on the fundamentals of TRUST….


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