Closure

He was known to be a man of his word; but for her he had broken all of them.
He was notorious for his indifference to all that occurred around him; but when it came to her, he wanted to be in the thick of it all.
And he was infamous as one whose emotions were guarded more jealously than the prison for the toughest criminals; but when she came before him, his feelings were laid bare before all eyes.

She destroyed all the walls he had built up painstakingly over a long period of time. But at the same time she made him more. More than a machine, solely taking cold, calculated, and logical decisions. More than an emotionless creature simply existing without any sense of pleasure or a purpose higher than professional growth. She made him want more for himself, something more than fame, more than fearful respect, more than a person inspiring awe within all those who laid their eyes on him. She made him more human.

He waited for her to give him an opportunity to try and impress her. He waited for her to notice all the efforts he had put in for her. He waited for her to be conscious of the one face in the crowd that was there only cos her gaze fleeted through that direction.
And he waited. A long time.

He was well known for his tireless patience. Sitting quietly in a corner, waiting for his turn to come up. He tried everything he could think of. He attempted everything he was advised. And he failed. He could have taken being looked at with distrust. He could have taken being turned down. But what he could never take, was being ignored.

She taught him something new as well; to stop waiting.

Situations Reversed 01

He loved her with all his heart, but was never able to muster enough courage to ever confess.
Every time she saw him stealing glances at her, her heart skipped a beat.
He didn’t have the courage, and she wanted him to make the first move. Doomed???
At last her patience ran out, and she decided to confess to him.
She wrote him a letter pouring out her heart on it, and planned to give it to him next day in college. On the way to college, clutching the letter in her hands, she saw him on the other side of the road. Unable to control herself anymore, she decided to confront him then and there. Alas, while crossing the road, an out of control truck ran over her. Devastated, he sprinted over to her, at last holding her body, mangled from the accident, in his arms. With tear stricken eyes, he saw her give a painful smile, as if her greatest wish had been fulfilled.
” I love you”, he whispered between sobs.
“I know”, she said, and with last ounce of strength, she thrusted the scented letter, now bloodied, she had handwritten for him. As if her life was held within the letter, the moment the letter changed hands she breathed her last.
He didn’t even know when the letter has changed hands. He didn’t know where he was.
He was a talented kid, a full scholarship already arranged for his higher education. But now he lost his reason to study. He felt he no longer required to utilise his talents in an academic field. A good life wasn’t what he deserved.

After the incident he couldn’t bring himself to go to college anymore. The Dean repeatedly sent him letters, first requesting him to take care of his attendance, then threatening of the consequences. He didn’t care.
On the day his final exams were scheduled to be over and he would have graduated, he pulled himself together enough to open the letter he had so carefully preserved over the months.
” Ever since I saw you walk into our classroom for the senior-junior interaction, wearing that green T-shirt, I had a crush on you. Over time, I was even more awed by your wit, and humor, and without even knowing, I fell in love with you. I saw you looking at me with the same love I had for you, and thus I knew you liked me as well.
I was waiting for you to confess, but realised, your shyness was one of the reason why I like you so.
Hence, I am taking the first step, and I wish, you would accept it.
Love you.

P.S. I still hope before I give you this, you do say you love me”.

His tears which had dried up since that incident, flooded once again. But this time there was a cold fire in his eyes.
He had already decided upon his path the moment he stopped going to college. Now he decided not hide in the shadows any longer. He would challenge the world with his diabolical plans, but only those deserving would be able to decrypt them.

That was the path he forced himself on. That was his calling.

Situations Reversed: The Riddler…

The way forward

Sometimes he wished tears weren’t so alien to him: the only times he could cry were when the cause was a fiction.
Sometimes he wished he could simply vent his frustration by shouting aloud. But that wasn’t him.
Sometimes he wished he weren’t externally so emotionally numb; he couldn’t let anyone see what was happening within. Too proud for that.
His pride, cause for his demise.
His anger, completely futile.
All the plans he had carefully made, all the cards he had so painstakingly placed, blown away by the unseasonal storm. And thus he was left to gather the pieces again, as he was used to now.
And he would do it again. And again. As many times as it would take. Cos that was the only way forward. All the bridges back were uncrossable now. He had burned them himself.
In search for his dream, he had lost track of reality. If given a chance, would he change his past? That was debatable… Did he regret the way he had chosen? He didn’t. The only actions worth regretting are the ones you didn’t take.
So he would move forward, cos that was the only thing he knew. He would try harder, cos the volume of effort he had put till now, clearly wasn’t enough.
Would he survive to find the dawn that would inevitably come, he didn’t know. But for now, he would concentrate on just putting the next step forward.

But, sometimes he really wished, he could cry. Just to know he was alive.

To break, or not to break: That is the Question…

May be it’s in my fate to love and lose. But then, someday… Somewhere realise that the reason I lost every single time was cos I decided not to act. May be the actions I take are not enough…

Will they ever be?
I don’t know…

Will I ever give in more effort?
No.

Do I want to?
Trust me, I do…

But am I allowed to?
No. Not unless I can be sure that breaking it would result in a positive effect for me.

And maybe for that simple stubbornness of mine I might lose out on the one of the most beautiful girls I know.
Or maybe I already have.. Since a long time.

Do I regret it?
Every single moment.

What are rules for, if not make our lives easier!!!

And what is this set of rules I so fiercely follow gives me?
A misplaced sense of self respect…

So, even though I realise how much of an ass I am being, by not breaking or changing them, why am I not acting in a way that would allow me to put my heart at ease and try to come to a closure?
May be cos I am afraid of what the future holds… What her reply would be.

May be I am better off without knowing; ignorance is bliss.
Or is it?

May be I am using my rules as a surrogate so that I may protect myself from the truth.
May be, my rules are a way of hiding my incompetencies and insecurities from myself.
Even if I break them, and try to take action on my own, I can never be sure how far I would be successful.

But then again, it’s not fun to watch a movie whose end you already know…