May be it’s in my fate to love and lose. But then, someday… Somewhere realise that the reason I lost every single time was cos I decided not to act. May be the actions I take are not enough…
Will they ever be?
I don’t know…
Will I ever give in more effort?
Do I want to?
Trust me, I do…
But am I allowed to?
No. Not unless I can be sure that breaking it would result in a positive effect for me.
And maybe for that simple stubbornness of mine I might lose out on the one of the most beautiful girls I know.
Or maybe I already have.. Since a long time.
Do I regret it?
Every single moment.
What are rules for, if not make our lives easier!!!
And what is this set of rules I so fiercely follow gives me?
A misplaced sense of self respect…
So, even though I realise how much of an ass I am being, by not breaking or changing them, why am I not acting in a way that would allow me to put my heart at ease and try to come to a closure?
May be cos I am afraid of what the future holds… What her reply would be.
May be I am better off without knowing; ignorance is bliss.
Or is it?
May be I am using my rules as a surrogate so that I may protect myself from the truth.
May be, my rules are a way of hiding my incompetencies and insecurities from myself.
Even if I break them, and try to take action on my own, I can never be sure how far I would be successful.
But then again, it’s not fun to watch a movie whose end you already know…